KRIS (fadetofear) wrote,
KRIS
fadetofear

This week, I had the privilege to listen to composer David Maslanka speak twice. The first time, he came to my conducting class.

He described ourselves as "passionate little beings" through music. I particularly like this phrase, and it's been rolling around in my head for a few days. I still like it, and I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it. I think it is a good goal.

Today was a performance of his A Child's Garden of Dreams Book I & II (Book II was a world premiere performance at my school). The dreams he used were from a book by Carl Jung. In the program notes, it described a father reading through a book that his daughter had given him, with some of her dreams chronicled in it. I think she was about 8, it said. She didn't live past puberty. 
In describing dreams, Maslanka said that there are some that are there to very clearly illustrate the path that we should take and others are just... "different". He said that the different ones are messages from the divine.
The dreams this little girl had were very clearly about transformation and movement from one world or one life into the next. There were dreams of being eaten by animals, of becoming ill and having birds erupt from her skin and covering her, and gnats covering all celestial bodies but a single star, and the star falling on her.

His music was phenomenal. I had goosebumps through some movements, and I was quite literally on the edge of my seat by the last one. I had to just sit for a bit and reflect before leaving. I think maybe I have more thinking to do, and I think I want to discover how to be a passionate little being, and I want to discover everything within everything.

Another thing that he mentioned was that in a world like the one we have today, sometimes music seems so little and insignificant, but it isn't by any means. I've also been finding that to be true lately.

In the past few weeks, my skill with trombone playing has vastly improved. I've been feeling rather ill and disenchanted with life. To be honest, I've been really miserable. Nothing is going too well mentally, physically, emotionally... spiritually, I'm trying to pray more, but  digress. There are days that I find myself playing for over 6 hours. My range keeps extending up and I've got a few solo pieces I feel I'm doing rather well with. My trombone is the only thing holding me together these days.
I'm taking next semester off from school for mental/physical health reasons and I'm going to get back to work at Panera. I worked out my schedule so I can still participate in trombone choir at school. That means I have to be in at work at 530a, but it's so completely worth it.

I'm looking forward to my time off, and I'm looking for it to be an extention of myself in all directions. I hope to get less miserable. Really, I don't feel like I can continue like this too much longer. I need a change, I need growth, I need peace.

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